Suspecting a partner of cheating can be a distressing and unsettling experience. While no sign is definitive proof of infidelity, certain behaviors have been commonly associated with cheating. This article explores these signs, grounded in psychological research, while emphasising the importance of communication and trust in relationships.
Common Signs of Infidelity
- Changes in Communication: A partner who is cheating might become more secretive or distant. They might avoid discussing future plans or become defensive when asked about their whereabouts or activities (Shackelford et al., 2002).
- Altered Schedule or Habits: Sudden, unexplained changes in routine, such as staying late at work more frequently, unaccounted for time, or unexpected business trips, can sometimes indicate infidelity (Atkins et al., 2001).
- Decreased Intimacy: While variations in sexual desire are normal in relationships, a noticeable and sustained decrease in intimacy or affection might suggest a problem. Conversely, an unexpected increase in sexual desire or new techniques might also arise from guilt or an attempt to cover infidelity (Buss & Shackelford, 1997).
- Increased Concern with Appearance: A sudden interest in improving appearance, working out more, or changing style without a clear reason can sometimes be linked to an attempt to impress someone new (Mark, Janssen, & Milhausen, 2011).
- Unexplained Expenses: Unaccounted for or secretive financial transactions can be a red flag. This might include receipts for gifts, dinners, or hotels that are inconsistent with known activities or expenses (Atkins et al., 2001).
- Technological Secrecy: Increased privacy around phone or computer use, such as changing passwords, frequent deletion of messages, or secretive online activities, might indicate that a partner is hiding something (Whitty, 2005).
- Emotional Changes: Cheating can cause a range of emotional responses from the cheating partner, including guilt, anxiety, or becoming more critical or accusatory towards you as a form of projection or deflection (Shackelford & Buss, 1997).
Considerations and Next Steps
- Context is Key: These signs should be considered within the context of your relationship and the individual’s baseline behavior. Any one sign in isolation may not indicate cheating and could relate to other stresses or issues in the person’s life.
- Communication: Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If you suspect infidelity, consider addressing your concerns directly and calmly with your partner.
- Seek Support: Dealing with suspected infidelity can be emotionally taxing. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a professional counselor to navigate your feelings and next steps.
Conclusion
While certain behaviors can suggest infidelity, they are not definitive proof. Understanding these signs can help individuals identify potential issues in their relationship, but they should be approached with caution and empathy. Open communication, understanding, and professional guidance are key to addressing concerns about cheating and maintaining a healthy and trusting relationship.
References
- Shackelford, T. K., & Buss, D. M. (1997). Cues to infidelity. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(10), 1034-1045.
- Atkins, D. C., Baucom, D. H., & Jacobson, N. S. (2001). Understanding infidelity: correlates in a national random sample. Journal of Family Psychology, 15(4), 735.
- Buss, D. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). Susceptibility to infidelity in the first year of marriage. Journal of Research in Personality, 31(2), 193-221.
- Mark, K. P., Janssen, E., & Milhausen, R. R. (2011). Infidelity in heterosexual couples: demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extramarital sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(5), 971-982.
- Whitty, M. T. (2005). The realness of cybercheating: Men’s and women’s representations of unfaithful Internet relationships. Social Science Computer Review, 23(1), 57-67.
How to get in touch
If you or your patient/NDIS clients need immediate mental healthcare assistance, feel free to get in contact with us on 1800 NEAR ME – admin@therapynearme.com.au.
