Written by: Therapy Near Me Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by: qualified members of the Therapy Near Me clinical team

Last updated: 03/01/2025

This article is intended as general information only and does not replace personalised medical or mental health advice. Learn more about our Editorial Policy.

Codependency is a behavioural condition where one person enables another’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Recognising the signs of codependency is crucial for addressing these unhealthy patterns and promoting healthier relationships. This article explores the key indicators of codependency, its impact, and strategies for overcoming it, supported by scientific research.

Keywords: signs of codependency, codependent behaviour, unhealthy relationships, codependency recovery, mental health, Australian mental health

Codependency is often characterised by an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support due to an illness or addiction. Originally, the term was used to describe the families of individuals with alcohol dependence but has since been broadened to include various types of dysfunctional relationships (Cermak, 1986).

Identifying codependent behaviours can help individuals recognise and address these patterns in their relationships. Common signs of codependency include:

Codependent individuals often feel a strong need to care for others at the expense of their own needs. This can manifest as:

• Over-involvement: Taking on responsibilities that are not theirs to ensure the other person’s wellbeing.
• Neglecting Self-Care: Prioritising the needs of others while neglecting their own physical and emotional health (Wright & Wright, 1991).

Codependent individuals typically struggle with setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

• Difficulty Saying No: Feeling guilty or anxious about refusing requests from others.
• Overstepping Boundaries: Becoming overly involved in others’ lives and problems (Whitfield, 1991).

Codependency is often linked with low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth.

• Seeking Approval: Relying on others’ approval and validation to feel good about themselves.
• Self-Criticism: Being overly critical of oneself and feeling unworthy or inadequate (Beattie, 1987).

Codependent individuals tend to prioritise pleasing others over their own needs and desires.

• Fear of Rejection: Avoiding conflict and going to great lengths to keep others happy to avoid rejection or abandonment.
• Suppressing Emotions: Hiding or suppressing their own feelings to avoid upsetting others (Cowan & Warren, 1994).

Codependent relationships are marked by an unhealthy level of dependency on another person.

• Emotional Reliance: Depending on another person for emotional support and happiness.
• Fear of Being Alone: Feeling unable to function or cope without the other person (Cermak, 1986).

Codependent individuals may exhibit controlling behaviours as a way to maintain the relationship and ensure the other person’s dependence on them.

• Manipulation: Using guilt, shame, or other tactics to control the other person’s behaviour.
• Micromanaging: Attempting to control every aspect of the other person’s life (Wright & Wright, 1991).

Codependency can have significant negative effects on both individuals and their relationships.

• Chronic Stress: The constant pressure to care for and control another person can lead to chronic stress and burnout.
• Anxiety and Depression: Low self-esteem and the fear of rejection can contribute to anxiety and depression (Marks et al., 2012).

• Resentment and Conflict: The imbalance in the relationship can lead to feelings of resentment and frequent conflicts.
• Lack of Authenticity: Suppressing one’s own needs and feelings can result in a lack of authenticity and intimacy in the relationship (Fischer et al., 2015).

• Stunted Growth: Codependent individuals may struggle to achieve personal growth and fulfilment due to their focus on the other person.
• Loss of Identity: The excessive focus on the other person can lead to a loss of self-identity and purpose (Whitfield, 1991).

Recovering from codependency involves recognising and addressing these unhealthy patterns. Effective strategies include:

Professional therapy can help individuals understand the root causes of their codependent behaviours and develop healthier relationship patterns.

• Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT can help individuals reframe negative thought patterns and behaviours (Beattie, 1987).
• Individual and Group Therapy: Both individual therapy and support groups can provide valuable insights and support for overcoming codependency (Fischer et al., 2015).

Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial for breaking codependent patterns.

• Assertiveness Training: Developing assertiveness skills can help individuals express their needs and set boundaries without feeling guilty (Cowan & Warren, 1994).
• Self-Care Practices: Prioritising self-care and attending to one’s own needs and wellbeing (Whitfield, 1991).

Improving self-esteem is essential for overcoming codependency.

• Positive Self-Talk: Practising positive self-talk and challenging negative self-beliefs.
• Self-Compassion: Developing self-compassion and treating oneself with kindness and understanding (Neff, 2011).

Encouraging independence and self-reliance can help individuals break free from codependent behaviours.

• Pursuing Personal Interests: Engaging in hobbies and activities that foster a sense of self and independence.
• Developing Coping Skills: Building healthy coping skills to manage stress and emotions without relying on others (Marks et al., 2012).

Codependency is a complex and challenging behavioural condition that can significantly impact individuals and their relationships. Recognising the signs of codependency and implementing effective strategies for overcoming it are crucial steps toward healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Therapy, setting healthy boundaries, building self-esteem, and fostering independence are key components of recovery. If you or someone you know is struggling with codependency, seeking professional help and support can lead to positive change and improved mental health.

• Beattie, M. (1987). Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. Hazelden Publishing.
• Cermak, T. L. (1986). Diagnosing and treating codependence. The Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 9(1), 25-34.
• Cowan, G., & Warren, L. W. (1994). Codependency and gender-stereotyped traits. Sex Roles, 30(7-8), 631-645.
• Fischer, J. L., Spann, L., & Crawford, D. W. (1991). Measuring codependency. Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly, 8(1), 87-99.
• Marks, G. N., Fleming, N., Long, M., & McMillan, J. (2012). Early school leaving in Australia: Findings from the 1995 year cohort of the Longitudinal Surveys of Australian Youth. Australian Council for Educational Research (ACER).
• Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
• Whitfield, C. L. (1991). Recovery: A guide for adult children of alcoholics. Health Communications, Inc.
• Wright, R. & Wright, B. (1991). Codependency: Issues of definition, boundaries, and treatment. Health & Social Work, 16(3), 202-205.

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