What’s the best age to get married: psychologist’s advice
Overview
Is there a “right” age to get married? Short answer: there is no single magic number. Large population studies show that marrying very young is linked to a higher chance of separation, while marrying in the late‑20s to early‑30s is generally associated with more stable unions on average. Beyond the early‑30s, findings are mixed: some analyses suggest a shallow U‑shaped curve in divorce risk, while others indicate that delays into the mid‑to‑late 30s continue to be protective once education, cohabitation history, and selection effects are accounted for (Lehrer, 2006; Wolfinger, 2015; Rotz, 2016; Kuperberg, 2014). What consistently matters most for long‑term outcomes is relationship quality, skill in navigating stress, and realistic alignment on life goals (Karney & Bradbury, 1995; Robles et al., 2013).
This guide synthesises what high‑quality research says, outlines how age interacts with other factors (education, cohabitation, fertility planning, mental health), and offers a practical decision checklist you can use with your partner.
What the research says about age and marital stability
1) Early marriage is consistently riskier
Across cohorts and countries, marrying in the teens or very early 20s predicts higher dissolution rates, even after accounting for background factors (Teachman, 2002; Lehrer, 2006; Garcia‑Hombrados & Özcan, 2022). Explanations include incomplete identity development, fewer financial buffers, and smaller partner pools early on.
2) Late‑20s to early‑30s often show the lowest average risk
Analyses of U.S. data popularised the “Goldilocks window” of roughly 28–32 years (Wolfinger, 2015). The logic is intuitive: you benefit from greater maturity and financial footing without yet encountering some late‑life selection dynamics (for example, partners who strongly prefer independence or have complex family obligations).
3) But the “U‑shape” is contested
Other work finds the apparent post‑32 uptick weakens or disappears when you account for cohabitation timing and selection effects. Kuperberg (2014) showed that age at first co‑residence with a romantic partner—not simply age at the wedding—helps explain stability; couples who moved in very young had elevated risks, even if the wedding happened later. Rotz (2016) also finds that the rising age at marriage is a major driver of declining divorce since 1980, implying that, on balance, later marriage has been protective in modern cohorts.
4) Relationship quality dwarfs calendar age
Meta‑analyses show that marital quality—communication, conflict behaviour, responsiveness—predicts mental and physical health as strongly as many health behaviours (Robles et al., 2013; Robles, 2014). The Vulnerability‑Stress‑Adaptation (VSA) model explains why: enduring vulnerabilities (e.g., attachment insecurities), external stress (e.g., money pressure), and adaptive processes (e.g., repair after conflict) interact to shape trajectories (Karney & Bradbury, 1995; Ross et al., 2022).
Australian context: when do people actually marry?
The median age at marriage in Australia continues to rise. In 2024, the median was 32.8 years for men and 31.2 years for women (Australian Bureau of Statistics [ABS], 2025). In 2023, it was 32.9 and 31.2, respectively (ABS, 2024). First‑marriage ages are lower than overall medians but have also risen (Australian Institute of Family Studies [AIFS], 2025). Australia’s divorce rate has fallen to near‑record lows, with people generally marrying and divorcing later than in previous decades (ABS, 2025).
Legal note: In Australia, the general minimum age for marriage is 18. A court may approve a marriage where one person is 16–17 and the other is 18 or over, only in exceptional circumstances, with specific safeguards (Attorney‑General’s Department, 2021; Marriage Act 1961 (Cth) ss 10–21).
How age interacts with key factors
Psychological maturity
Neuroscience indicates that cognitive control, future orientation, and impulse regulation continue to consolidate through the early‑to‑mid 20s (Casey et al., 2008; Shulman et al., 2016). This does not dictate your timeline, but it helps explain why couples who marry after this developmental window tend to do better on average.
Education and financial footing
Later marriage is correlated with more years of education and higher household income. Both are associated with lower divorce risk and better buffering against life stressors (Lehrer, 2006; Killewald, 2016). Financial transparency and shared plans matter more than absolute income.
Cohabitation timing
Moving in together very young is associated with higher dissolution risk, regardless of the wedding age (Kuperberg, 2014). Cohabitation can still be a constructive test‑run when entered with clear commitments and shared expectations.
Fertility planning
If you hope to have children, remember that female fertility declines gradually from around 30 and faster after the mid‑30s (AIHW, 2025; ABS, 2025; VARTA, n.d.). Many Australians are having children later; the median maternal age in 2023 was about 31, and fertility rates are at historic lows (ABS, 2024; AIHW, 2025). None of this mandates an early wedding, but it argues for informed planning.
Mental health and relationship quality
Marriage can be linked with better average mental health, but the quality of the relationship is the active ingredient (Proulx, Helms & Buehler, 2007; Jace, 2021). High conflict and low support are associated with poorer psychological outcomes for both partners.
A practical decision framework (use together)
1) Personal readiness
- Have you each lived independently and handled life admin (budgeting, bills, chores) for at least a year?
- Do you have stable routines for sleep, exercise, and stress?
- If either partner has active mental‑health concerns, is a treatment plan in place?
2) Relationship skills
- Can you identify predictable conflict patterns and the repair strategies that work for you (timeouts, validation, problem–solution sequencing)?
- Do you each feel safe raising uncomfortable topics?
- Have you navigated at least one significant stressor together (job loss, relocation, illness)?
3) Alignment check
Discuss and document your positions on:
- Children (if any), timelines, and openness to assisted reproduction or adoption.
- Money: transparency, separate vs joint accounts, savings targets, debt plans.
- Work and caregiving expectations across the next 5–10 years.
- Housing, geography, extended‑family boundaries, faith and cultural traditions.
- Health habits (alcohol, sleep, screens), and how you’ll support change when needed.
4) Timing sense‑check
- If you are under 23, add extra emphasis to premarital education and slower milestones.
- If you are in your late‑20s to mid‑30s, you are in the statistical sweet spot for many outcomes, but quality still dominates age.
- If you are mid‑30s+ and want children, consider preconception counselling and a proactive fertility plan while you continue to assess marital readiness.
5) Premarital preparation (8–12 weeks)
- Complete an evidence‑based program (e.g., communication and problem‑solving modules).
- Run a “financial sprint”: one month of shared budgeting, bill‑paying, and goal setting.
- Create a one‑page “We‑Agreement”: conflict rules, household labour plan, holiday plan, contact rules with ex‑partners, and escalation steps for gridlock.
Frequently asked questions
Is earlier always worse and later always better?
No. Age captures many correlated differences (education, income, partner pools, selection). Once those are considered, the edge from simply being older is smaller. There are strong, enduring marriages at 22 and fragile ones at 38. The common denominator in stable couples is adaptive processes under stress (Karney & Bradbury, 1995).
Does living together first help?
It depends. Cohabitation that begins very young or without clear commitment can add risk. Entered later and deliberately, it can provide useful information about compatibility (Kuperberg, 2014; Rosenfeld & Roesler, 2019).
What if we don’t want children?
Then fertility constraints are less pressing; you can prioritise career development, financial buffers, and relationship education without biological timelines.
What about second marriages or marrying later in life?
Later‑life marriages can be highly satisfying. Consider the added complexity of adult children, assets, and caregiving expectations; clear agreements reduce future strain.
Bottom line
- The safest age range on average is the late‑20s to early‑30s, but the advantage is modest and contingent on education, cohabitation history, and selection.
- Quality beats age: communication, repair, and alignment predict mental‑health and stability more than birthdays do.
- If children are a goal, plan around gradual fertility decline after the mid‑30s.
- Use structured preparation and a written “We‑Agreement” to convert readiness into resilience.
References
ABS (Australian Bureau of Statistics) (2024) Marriages and Divorces, Australia, 2023. Canberra: ABS. Available at: https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/marriages-and-divorces-australia/2023 (Accessed 9 December 2025).
ABS (Australian Bureau of Statistics) (2025) Marriages and Divorces, Australia, 2024. Canberra: ABS. Available at: https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/marriages-and-divorces-australia/latest-release(Accessed 9 December 2025).
AIHW (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare) (2025) Australia’s mothers and babies: Summary. Canberra: AIHW. Available at: https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/mothers-babies/australias-mothers-babies/contents/summary (Accessed 9 December 2025).
AIFS (Australian Institute of Family Studies) (2025) Marriages in Australia. Melbourne: AIFS. Available at: https://aifs.gov.au/all-research/facts-and-figures/marriages-australia (Accessed 9 December 2025).
Attorney‑General’s Department (2021) Get married. Canberra: Attorney‑General’s Department. Available at: https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/marriage/get-married (Accessed 9 December 2025).
Casey, B.J., Jones, R.M. and Hare, T.A. (2008) ‘The adolescent brain’, Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1124(1), pp. 111–126.
Garcia‑Hombrados, J. and Özcan, B. (2022) Age at marriage and marital stability: Evidence from China. London: LSE Department of Social Policy (Social Policy Working Paper 03‑22).
Jace, C.E. (2021) ‘Does marriage protect mental health? Evidence from the COVID‑19 pandemic’, SSM – Population Health, 16, 100936.
Karney, B.R. and Bradbury, T.N. (1995) ‘The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, methods, and research’, Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), pp. 3–34.
Killewald, A. (2016) ‘Money, work, and marital stability: Assessing change in the gendered determinants of divorce’, American Sociological Review, 81(4), pp. 696–719.
Kuperberg, A. (2014) ‘Age at coresidence, premarital cohabitation, and marriage dissolution: 1985–2009’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 76(2), pp. 352–369.
Lehrer, E.L. (2006) ‘Age at marriage and marital instability: Revisiting the Becker–Landes–Michael hypothesis’, Journal of Population Economics, 21(2), pp. 463–484.
Proulx, C.M., Helms, H.M. and Buehler, C. (2007) ‘Marital quality and personal well‑being: A meta‑analysis’, Journal of Marriage and Family, 69(3), pp. 576–593.
Robles, T.F., Slatcher, R.B., Trombello, J.M. and McGinn, M.M. (2013) ‘Marital quality and health: A meta‑analytic review’, Psychological Bulletin, 140(1), pp. 140–187.
Robles, T.F. (2014) ‘Marital quality and health’, Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23(6), pp. 427–432.
Ross, J.M., Karney, B.R. and Bradbury, T.N. (2022) ‘Three tests of the Vulnerability–Stress–Adaptation model of marriage’, PLOS ONE, 17(8), e0273302.
Rotz, D. (2016) ‘Why have divorce rates fallen? The role of women’s age at marriage’, Journal of Human Resources, 51(4), pp. 961–1002.
Shulman, E.P., Harden, K.P., Chein, J.M. and Steinberg, L. (2016) ‘The dual systems model: Review, reappraisal, and reaffirmation’, Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, 17, pp. 103–117.
VARTA (Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority) (n.d.) ‘Women are often told their fertility “falls off a cliff” at 35, but is that right?’ Available at: https://www.varta.org.au/ (Accessed 9 December 2025).
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How to cite this article
Therapy Near Me Editorial Team (2025) ‘What’s the best age to get married: psychologist’s advice’, TherapyNearMe.com.au, 9 December. Available at: https://therapynearme.com.au/
