Why personality matters more than looks
While physical appearance influences initial attraction, long-term studies consistently show that personality traits predict lasting attraction, relationship satisfaction, and mate choice more strongly than looks (Li et al., 2002; Fletcher et al., 2004).
In 2025, with dating apps and global social networks, traits like confidence, humour, kindness, and emotional intelligence stand out as universal predictors of male attractiveness.
1) Confidence (without arrogance)
Confidence is one of the most frequently cited attractive male traits. Research shows that self-assured behaviour signals competence and status, which women across cultures find appealing (Buss, 2003).
- Evolutionary psychology perspective: confidence signals resourcefulness and ability to handle challenges (Puts, 2010).
- But: arrogance or narcissism reduces attractiveness when perceived as self-centred (Holtzman & Strube, 2013).
Practical tip: Confidence is best expressed through open posture, clear speech, and calm decision-making.
2) Sense of humour
Humour is a robust predictor of male attractiveness in both short-term and long-term contexts (Li et al., 2009; Wilbur & Campbell, 2011).
- Men who can produce humour are perceived as more intelligent and creative (Greengross & Miller, 2011).
- Shared laughter also builds rapport and emotional intimacy, which predicts stronger bonds (Kurtz & Algoe, 2015).
Pro tip: Use humour to connect, not to put others down—affiliative humour is most strongly linked to attractiveness.
3) Kindness and prosocial behaviour
Cross-cultural research finds that kindness and altruism are consistently ranked among the most desirable traits in a partner (Buss, 1989; Sprecher & Regan, 2002).
- Acts of generosity increase perceived attractiveness, even in one-off encounters (Barclay, 2010).
- Functional MRI studies show altruistic men are rated as more desirable because kindness signals long-term investment potential (Farrelly, 2013).
Everyday hack: Small prosocial actions—helping a stranger, showing gratitude—make a man instantly more likeable and attractive.
4) Emotional intelligence (EQ)
Emotional intelligence—the ability to perceive, regulate, and respond to emotions—has been linked to greater relationship satisfaction and perceived partner attractiveness (Brackett et al., 2006).
- Men with higher EQ are seen as more supportive, understanding, and trustworthy.
- EQ predicts better conflict resolution skills, which women often cite as vital in long-term partners (Fitness, 2001).
How to improve EQ: Practice active listening, reflect before reacting, and show empathy.
5) Ambition and drive
Ambition and goal orientation are rated as attractive because they signal competence and resource acquisition potential (Buss & Barnes, 1986; Li et al., 2002).
- In evolutionary terms, ambition is linked to survival and reproductive success.
- In modern contexts, ambition also signals purpose, growth, and motivation.
Balance tip: Overwork or obsession with success can reduce attractiveness if it undermines availability and warmth.
6) Reliability and dependability
Stability and reliability are critical traits for long-term attractiveness. Research shows that trustworthiness and dependability outrank physical appearance in mate choice for women seeking committed relationships (Eastwick et al., 2014).
- Reliability reduces relationship anxiety and increases perceptions of safety and loyalty.
- In family psychology, dependable fathers are rated as more desirable across cultures (Geary, 2000).
How to show it: Follow through on commitments, keep promises, and communicate consistently.
7) Authenticity and self-awareness
Authenticity—the alignment between values and actions—is strongly tied to perceived attractiveness. People who present themselves authentically are judged as more trustworthy and likeable (Kernis & Goldman, 2006).
- Authentic men are seen as grounded and genuine, qualities that women consistently rank highly in surveys (Wood et al., 2008).
- In contrast, men who engage in inauthentic self-promotion (“humblebragging”) are rated as less attractive (Sezer et al., 2018).
Everyday step: Share your genuine thoughts and values, and avoid over-curating your image.
Checklist: Top attractive male traits
- Confidence (without arrogance)
- Sense of humour
- Kindness and altruism
- Emotional intelligence
- Ambition and drive
- Reliability and dependability
- Authenticity and self-awareness
FAQs
Q: What makes a man most attractive in 2025?
A combination of confidence, kindness, humour, and emotional intelligence—not just looks—makes men attractive to women across cultures.
Q: Is physical appearance more important than personality?
Studies show that while looks matter initially, personality traits like kindness, humour, and reliability are stronger predictors of long-term attraction (Li et al., 2002).
Q: Can you train yourself to be more attractive?
Yes—social skills, emotional intelligence, and warmth can be learned and improved with therapy, coaching, and practice.
References
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Brackett, M.A., Warner, R.M. & Bosco, J.S. (2006) ‘Emotional intelligence and relationship quality among couples’, Personal Relationships, 12(2), pp.197–212.
Buss, D.M. (1989) ‘Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures’, Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12(1), pp.1–49.
Buss, D.M. (2003) The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Basic Books.
Buss, D.M. & Barnes, M. (1986) ‘Preferences in human mate selection’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50(3), pp.559–570.
Collins, N.L. & Miller, L.C. (1994) ‘Self-disclosure and liking: a meta-analytic review’, Psychological Bulletin, 116(3), pp.457–475.
Eastwick, P.W., Finkel, E.J. & Simpson, J.A. (2014) ‘Relationship longevity: The role of mutual dependence’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(5), pp.821–841.
Farrelly, D. (2013) ‘Altruism is sexy: Evidence from speed dating’, Journal of Evolutionary Psychology, 11(1), pp.35–45.
Fiske, S.T., Cuddy, A.J.C. & Glick, P. (2007) ‘Universal dimensions of social cognition: Warmth and competence’, Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 11(2), pp.77–83.
Fletcher, G.J.O., Simpson, J.A., Thomas, G. & Giles, L. (1999) ‘Ideals in intimate relationships’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(1), pp.72–89.
Geary, D.C. (2000) ‘Evolution and proximate expression of human paternal investment’, Psychological Bulletin, 126(1), pp.55–77.
Greengross, G. & Miller, G. (2011) ‘Humor ability reveals intelligence, predicts mating success, and is higher in males’, Intelligence, 39(4), pp.188–192.
Holtzman, N.S. & Strube, M.J. (2013) ‘Narcissism and attractiveness’, Journal of Research in Personality, 47(6), pp.785–788.
Kernis, M.H. & Goldman, B.M. (2006) ‘A multicomponent conceptualization of authenticity: Theory and research’, Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, pp.283–357.
Kurtz, L.E. & Algoe, S.B. (2015) ‘Putting laughter in context: Shared laughter as an indicator of relationship well-being’, Personal Relationships, 22(4), pp.573–590.
Li, N.P., Bailey, J.M., Kenrick, D.T. & Linsenmeier, J.A. (2002) ‘The necessities and luxuries of mate preferences: Testing tradeoffs’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 82(6), pp.947–955.
Montoya, R.M. & Horton, R.S. (2013) ‘A meta-analytic investigation of similarity-attraction’, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(1), pp.64–94.
Puts, D.A. (2010) ‘Beauty and the beast: Mechanisms of sexual selection in humans’, Evolution and Human Behavior, 31(3), pp.157–175.
Sezer, O., Gino, F. & Norton, M.I. (2018) ‘Humblebragging: A distinct—and ineffective—self-presentation strategy’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 114(1), pp.52–74.
Sprecher, S. & Regan, P.C. (2002) ‘Liking some things (in some people) more than others’, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 19(4), pp.463–481.
Wilbur, C.J. & Campbell, L. (2011) ‘Humor in romantic attraction: Gender differences and associations with relationship satisfaction’, Evolution and Human Behavior, 32(1), pp.29–36.
Wood, A.M., Linley, P.A., Maltby, M., Baliousis, M. & Joseph, S. (2008) ‘The authentic personality’, Journal of Positive Psychology, 3(1), pp.61–72.
